The Anticipation Begins
Last Updated on August 19, 2020 by Jill Schwitzgebel
At the beginning of last school year, I told a couple of friends whose oldest kids are high school seniors that the anticipation is the worst part. I said that the build-up to the kids’ departure is worse than the reality of it. I assured them that in the upcoming months, they might even be ready to kick them right out the door. I may EVEN have felt slightly smug because I had been through it. I knew it would be easier for me next year because I knew what to expect.
And now…it is suddenly the end of my own Kid 3’s junior year. Senior year seems to be coming up much more quickly than I had expected. And now I understand that it doesn’t matter if you’ve been through it before. In fact, I’m pretty sure that the anticipation did not begin this early with my older kids.
It’s possible (okay, it’s definite) that I’m driving him crazy. Silly sentences like, “Don’t you want to come hang out with us in the family room for a while?” or “You can’t leave until you hug me!” (He seems to be leaving A LOT suddenly) just keep coming out of my mouth. I can’t seem to help myself. He even told his older brother that I was acting “clingy!” Imagine that.
It really will be easier in some respects this time, because I do know what to expect. I know that after he is settled into his dorm room, life here at home will settle into a new normal too. But, the anticipation of his departure is a necessary part of the parenting journey I think. And “anticipation” can have both good and bad connotations.
As the youngest, he will leave behind an empty nest. Up until about a month ago, I would have told you that I was more than ready for that. Suddenly, as the anticipation kicks in, it feels way less exciting. Not because I’m not looking forward to a time without day-to-day responsibilities of parenting, because I am! But there is a competing, and also indescribable feeling, of not wanting to let him go. There is a feeling of pride, which I hope all parents experience with their almost-grown kids, that can bring tears to my eyes when I think about him. How can I just let him leave now?
Ultimately, I believe I told my friends the truth though – the anticipation is the hardest part. It’s made more difficult by our children, since they are often anticipating their departure in an entirely different way than we are, as they should be. It all culminates with that goodbye in their dorm room.
And while we will return home and miss them at the dinner table, we will also love hearing about their experiences at college. We will realize that we can still talk and text. We might even get a good night’s sleep since we won’t be waiting up for them to arrive home. And that feeling of dread about their departure? It is suddenly replaced with the happy anticipation of their homecoming.
