To the Moms in My Village…and Yours Too

Last Updated on May 10, 2024 by Jill Schwitzgebel

As Mother’s day approaches, high school graduation day for my youngest is not far behind.  It has actually put me in a reflective mood. My own mom might tell you that’s uncharacteristic of me.  But as we approach this latest milestone, I’ve been thinking about all the moms that helped bring us to this place. 

Obviously, my own mom deserves a shout-out here, since she has been with me on my own mom journey from the time I brought two tiny preemies home from the hospital. And these days, I realize that all of my early frantic calls to her about topics ranging from teething to ear infections were likely as stressful for her as they were for me as a new mom.  Because as it turns out, you don’t quit worrying about your kids on the day they turn 18…or the day they leave for college…or the day they graduate from college…and I’m guessing that pattern continues even after they’re married.

But my own mom never lived nearby and I’ve raised my kids in five different states.  That means I’ve known a lot of other moms from a lot of different places.  And beyond that, with no immediate family nearby,  many times, I’ve relied on those other moms for support to help me be a better mom.  Often, they’ve gone above and beyond, and truly, I just couldn’t have done it without them.  They say it takes a village to raise a family, and in my case, I think it took an especially large village!

Looking back, this should have been obvious to me over 20 years ago, when I was on bedrest at the end of a twin pregnancy.  My sweet neighbor, not even a mom at the time, but clearly proving she was ready for the job (and now also a mom of 3!), knew I couldn’t go to the store to pick out “coming home from the hospital outfits” for the babies.  Since internet shopping was not a thing yet, she went out and bought out what I think must have been the entire preemie clothing selection at the local department store, so I could “shop” for their outfits from my spot on the living room sofa.  She was definitely the first resident in my village of moms.

When we moved across the country when those twins were just a year old,  I realized I was going to need some new village residents to get through twin toddlerhood.  I put an advertisement in the neighborhood paper, and a playgroup was born.  I don’t think I would have survived the next two years without that weekly meeting with a group of Texan moms. 

So this is for those TX moms and the visits to Sea World,  the Christmas parties complete with “real” Santa visits, babysitting swaps, clothing exchanges and SO much commiserating as we all figured out mommyhood together.  Over twenty years later, and I still count some of those moms as my dearest friends, knowing that when we see each other, our oldest kids may be in their 20s, but it’s like no time has passed.

Another move across the country a couple of years later, brought new moms and another playgroup, and preschool, and some more mom camaraderie.  There were playdates now that also gave each of us an afternoon off now and then. That little sanity break provided by having your kids gone for a few hours each week is one of those things that makes a young mom think she can handle anything, even a third child!

So this is for that mom that volunteered to take the twins when it came time for that child #3 to make his appearance after Christmas.  Little did she know that he would instead choose to arrive weeks before Christmas, early in the morning, on the day of her own daughter’s 7th birthday party.  And just for added fun, one of my twins woke up that day, puking.  But she didn’t tell me any of that until well AFTER #3’s arrival…because that’s just the way moms are.

The next move, only halfway across the country this time, brought more incredible moms into my village.  I was blessed (if you know me, that’s not a word I use lightly) with neighbors that were the best village I could have ever imagined. 

So this is for that next door neighbor mom that made me think I won the neighbor mom lottery! We spent afternoons sitting in the driveway, sometimes taking turns watching as our combined six kids burned off way too much energy.  If I couldn’t make it home on time for some reason, she would have a snack waiting after school for my kids. If I needed an idea for a classroom party, she would have one.  And then as they got older,  there were the photos together before sending them all off to Homecomings and Proms.  Soon, there will be photos taken at a wedding of one of those kids.

This is for the bus stop moms that sometimes provided my only adult conversation of the day and gave me advice ranging from the best orthodontists to the best fifth grade teachers.  On a sunny Friday afternoon, I could find a much-needed happy hour on a patio with those same moms.

This is for all the moms who had older kids that could remind me that “this too shall pass.”  And often those same moms were more compassionate toward my kids than I could be in the moment.

This is for my fellow volunteer moms.  The room moms.  The field trip chaperone moms.  The concession stand moms.  The band moms.  The PTA moms.  There have been a lot of you over the years.  And without all of you, our kids wouldn’t have gotten to have the amazing experiences together that they enjoyed over the years

This is for the mom who didn’t know what was wrong one day, but knew that a bag of cookies dropped on my back doorstep would likely help. She was right.

This is for the mom who also happens to be my cousin.  The one who left two babies at home with her husband late at night and came to stay with our other kids when our 7 yr old needed emergency surgery…and even handled a home inspection the next morning, as we got ready to move (yes, again)! 

This is for the Scout moms that joined the village after another long distance move, just as I was despairing of meeting any other moms to join my village.  Our lunches are always guaranteed to make me laugh and relieve stress. As an added bonus, I now actually had people in-state to list on Kid #3’s school emergency contact list!

See also: The Practice Goodbyes

This is for the college parent moms. As my older two left for college, I figured that was the end of newcomers to my mom village. But I was pleasantly surprised that more moms moved in instead! Now there were their roommates’ and friends’ moms that made our college visits to the kids even more fun, and who treated our kids like their own whenever they had a chance.

Finally, this is for all of the moms reading this lengthy salute to moms and remembering all of the moms in their own lives, who have played similar roles. I hope every mom is fortunate enough to have a village of their own, no matter the size. And remember, it’s never too late to welcome new residents to your village!