Surviving the End of the High School Senior Year
Last Updated on July 26, 2019 by Jill Schwitzgebel
Okay, let me begin by saying that as I write this, I’m coming off of a tough weekend with my very own high school senior. And I recognize that “tough” is relative. It wasn’t tough because we were arguing about curfews or who he is hanging out with. It was tough because senioritis has sort of set in, but there are still things he needs to do. And I’d forgotten about what the second half of the high school senior year can be like when you’re actually living with a senior.
You are on a race against the clock before they succumb completely to senioritis and the general snarkiness that may accompany it, as they prepare to leave the nest.
It occurred to me this morning that I’m not alone in my experience. But at the same time, most of us parents are not quite prepared for this part – the part that comes AFTER all the college applications are submitted. The part that happens after a few acceptances have rolled in and you’ve celebrated a little. The part that happens after our kids have worked so hard in the fall and believe that the work is finally completed.
This is the part where we parents are also experiencing some senioritis of our own! In fact, I may have it even worse than my senior does! After all, this is my fourth time through high school. I want nothing more than to be finished asking him questions like, “Did the guidance counselor send your midyear transcript to your colleges?” “Did you get that scholarship recommendation from your teacher?” If I’m tired of asking the questions, there is zero doubt that he is tired of answering them.
And because we are both suffering from senioritis, things begin to slip through the cracks. And the more things slip, the more I begin to wonder if he is prepared enough for the next step.
My guess is that the completely “hypothetical” scenario below, plays out in many college applicants’ homes as their senior rounds the bend to the end of the their last school year.
The Scenario
It’s early in the second semester. Over winter break, maybe your student wrote some scholarship essays or even finished up a college application or two. They didn’t get the complete and total relaxation they felt they deserved.
And now, somehow, your student has come home with a mountain of homework for the weekend. (Never mind that part of the reason for that mountain is that apparently they procrastinated on a big project and it’s now due on Monday.) Your student is rather grumpy about the time they have to spend doing homework over the weekend. The good news is that they’re still invested enough in school that they’re actually still doing their homework. But they’re sure not happy about it.
On Sunday night after dinner as the weekend is winding down, you check your email and realize that there is one in there from one of the colleges your student has applied to, but not received an admissions decision from yet. Evidently, your child has also been sent this same email, but earlier.
This email is inviting your student to apply to the honors program at the school. Initially, this was your child’s dream school. The deadline to apply to the program is now less than two full days away. And it requires three essays to apply. And if they get accepted into the school and its honors program, there is additional scholarship money up for grabs.
You now have to somehow gently approach your grumpy senior as they are relaxing and reclined on the couch on Sunday night and explain to them that yes, they did homework all weekend, but guess what? They really need to write these three essays in the next day and a half. Just imagine that response. This is the nightmare scenario for any family afflicted with senioritis.
You are so nice that you don’t even mention more than once that they had actually received this email before winter break and could have written the essays then, if only they had opened the email. You might even try to soften the blow by saying that surely one of the essay topics will be one of the ones they’ve already written about. (I know. That never actually seems to happen.)
The Outcome
Predictably, your student is not at all happy about this turn of events. Your generally compliant senior, who has been showing increasing amounts of attitude in recent weeks, would prefer to NOT write the essays. Suddenly, this school is no longer their dream school, and therefore, they do not need any additional funding from them. There is no point to writing the essays.
Maybe, your student goes on to tell you that they have already decided that they will be attending their “safety” school, to which they have already been accepted. As the parent, you experience nearly simultaneous emotions of elation, relief, and… skepticism. “Hooray, they will be closer to home and we will save some money!” “Whew, no more waiting and worrying about all of these other outstanding college applications!” And then finally, “Wait a second…are they just saying this because they don’t want to write these essays? Would they give up the dream just because they are lazy in this moment?”
If you are anything like me, you conclude that the answer to those latter questions is quite likely, “yes.” That leaves YOU with a choice. You can decide that they have to live with the consequences of whatever they decide, hope that they truly are at peace with their decision and any regrets that they may have later and you can walk away. Or, you can think about the fact that just a few months ago this was their dream school, and decision day is still almost four months away…lots can change again by then. You can decide this is worthy of some nagging.
In this scenario, there is a lot to be said for the first option. After all, they are nearly adults and they’re the ones that have to live with the consequences. And beyond that, you’re TIRED. And if you’re tired of all of it, then imagine how tired THEY are.
But choosing the second option also makes sense, since experience has taught you that teens change their minds and circumstances change too. And your student may not be thinking logically in this moment about something that is potentially a major life decision.
All I can say for sure is that in this purely hypothetical situation, I ignored his look of dismay and pointed out that he would need the scholarship money if he gets accepted and changes his mind about where he will attend in the upcoming months. But I told him it was up to him. And then I crossed my fingers and walked away. An hour later, I was informed that two essays were complete, but the third was going to have to wait until tomorrow.
I’m not sure I ever appreciated my kid more than I did in that moment. And I took that as a hopeful sign that we may actually survive senioritis and he actually may be ready to leave for college. But, from experience, I also know that I’ll second guess that about 800 more times before he leaves… But to all my fellow senior parents, hang in there!
P.S.
It’s still a good idea to remind your seniors to check their email!
