3 Ways to Kick Off the College Search Conversation
Last Updated on July 23, 2022 by Jill Schwitzgebel
As I write this, we are about halfway through the school year – a time when families of high school sophomores are really beginning to think seriously about the college search. And for families of high school juniors, the college search conversations are really beginning to get real. The college admissions experience can be stressful or even overwhelming. But, it doesn’t have to be if parents and their teens start talking and make a plan.
1. College Finances
There are lots of details that need to be covered in this discussion. It may be that you have this conversation casually over a period of years. Seriously. I think it’s easier if a teen already has at least some vague idea of what the financial expectations are before even beginning the college search discussion. Things to cover include:
- Do you expect your student to take out student loans to help cover costs at a four year college?
- How much are you willing to pay? (It’s fine if this is a range!)
- Who will be responsible for their spending money and book purchases each semester?
- Will cost be the most important factor in the final college decision?
This conversation can actually be emotional for families, especially if a teen has expectations about what your family can afford, that you as parents feel are unrealistic. That’s why it is way better to have this conversation early, rather than after applications are submitted! In this ongoing conversation, it will be helpful if you are able to explain some ins and outs of college financing to your teens, as you get closer to making actual college visits. There is a lot of new terminology for everyone which is important to understand. Explain that especially at private colleges, the price they see listed is not likely what they will be asked to pay. Talk about academic merit aid/tuition discounting and how that can help. Talk about the FAFSA and the Student Aid Index number.
2. The Timeline
Some high schools do a terrific job of getting students to think about the process early. But at other schools, it is going to be up to you as a family to kick off the college conversation. Your teen may have no idea that they should be thinking about college before spring of their junior year.
It is super helpful if you can lay out a timeline for the various tasks that need to be completed, so that they can see the whole process, beginning to end. The timeline should begin with college research, to visits, up through when applications and financial aid forms are typically due. (You’ll do a much more detailed application timeline, when it’s time to begin working on applications.) Seeing all of the steps laid out should help everyone feel more organized and reduce some stress.
3. Begin Research
I strongly recommend that families begin researching colleges together. Begin by looking at colleges that your child thinks are of interest, just so that they can get familiar with college search websites, as well as college websites themselves. Your job at the beginning early phase is to refrain from passing judgement on anything they are interested in – just help them to explore. They need to begin to see how much college costs, how well their own academic profile fits (or sometimes, doesn’t fit!) into colleges they are interested in, what residence halls look like, etc. This is the time to begin to have conversations about:
- Distance from home
- Large vs Small colleges (PLEASE visit both!)
- College settings – rural vs urban, etc. (Again, I urge you to visit colleges in a variety of settings!)
- Public vs Private colleges
Some motivated students will really take off with the search after this, and won’t want or need much more input from you. Others will still prefer to work on this with you. For those that prefer to research independently, I would just be sure that you are each on the same page about your priorities. And then I recommend meeting regularly to discuss what they are finding. Again, if you have established some basic parameters – distance, financing – I urge you to remain open-minded and let your student lead the way on this. One caveat is that if you strongly feel that they are eliminating a class of colleges that you have good reason to believe would be a better “fit” for them (for instance, if they are only looking at large colleges, when you feel the smaller college format makes more sense), I would still insist on including a couple of those on the visit list. There are a whole lot of great value colleges out there that many teens have likely never heard of.
Never Too Early
There is certainly no reason to wait until a student’s sophomore year to begin the college conversation. You can begin when kids are young. For instance, visiting Williamsburg? Why not just hop over and and wander around the College of William and Mary? Visiting Florida with a kid interested in marine biology? Check out Eckerd College. It just begins to give kids a concept of what “college” looks like. When you start it off that way, it’s more of an ongoing conversation and it will happen gradually. However, I do still strongly urge you to commit to a timeline to keep the search process on track, leading up to application time. Otherwise, it becomes too easy to forget to schedule visits on those school holidays or to take college entrance exams, if needed. Waiting until the last minute to have conversations and to visit is guaranteed to cause unnecessary stress during the final year of high school.
And finally, after the conversation has begun, you will quickly realize that there really are a lot of factors to consider as you and your child undertake the college search. You can find much more information about the college search experience here.
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