Before You Join That College Parents Group on Social Media…

Last Updated on February 15, 2024 by Jill Schwitzgebel

These days, it seems like just about every parent of a college bound student has heard about the college parent groups on Facebook.  There have been some hilarious articles, which are entirely accurate, written about them.  But I’m here to provide a little more of a serious analysis of them, as well as to provide you with some tips for navigating them, before you join.

I’m writing this as someone who has various perspectives on those college parent groups.  First, I’m a veteran college parent who has been a member of four different colleges’ parent groups over the past eight years.  Secondly, for the last couple of years, I’ve actually been an admin for Kid #3’s college parent group.  And finally, I obviously work with families as they are going through the admissions process, so I occasionally get feedback from them about various college parents groups.  So, I feel pretty qualified to write about what you need to know before you join that college parents group!

So here are some tips from each of my three perspectives:

As a Parent

These groups can be really helpful.  Does your student on campus need a nearby dentist for a dental emergency?  The group can probably provide recommendations.  Do you have questions about the move-in process that were not covered in information sent by the college? Experienced parents on the page can probably provide great advice.  Wondering about best dorms for first year students?  Parents will be glad to advise.  Are you struggling with the empty nest?  No doubt there will be parents there who can commiserate with you.  And personally, over the years, I even became friends online with some fellow college parents on those pages, who turned into real life friends.

But, there are some disadvantages to joining these college parent groups too. Remember, this is social media we are talking about, so all of the same complaining that you may witness on other parts of your social media, also happens on the parent page. It can be shocking at times. Unsurprisingly, there will be some students who hate the food in the dining halls, and their parents will be angry at the college about that and they will want the parents to know.  Or, maybe the residence hall temperatures are not comfortable for their students – you will surely hear about that, especially if the ac breaks in the warm months or the heat breaks in the cold months.  If a student has a long walk from the parking lot to their dorm, you’re likely to hear about that too.

And, you know how ever since you announced that you were having a baby, everyone has had differing opinions about the best way to raise children?  Eighteen years later, everyone STILL has differing opinions.  A parent of an incoming student will inevitably ask how much spending money their young adult really needs.  Some parents will chime in that they like to provide their children with $500 month allowances, while others expect their students to earn spending money from their part-time jobs.  Some think a car on campus is a necessity, and others say their student has been just fine without one.  Sometimes, it seems that every innocent question a parent asks on the page is at risk of turning into a heated debate.  Some pages are more tightly moderated than others are, which will influence how the discussions proceed on the page.

Know that some college parent groups are actually “official” and run by a college employee.  But, that is not the norm.  So, the page is most likely run by parent volunteers, just like the volunteers that used to run the classroom parties when your teen was young.  And just like those events run by PTA volunteers, there will be differences in how each college parent page is run.  Some operate very hands-off, and some really enforce the rules of the group.  Some really work hard to vet member requests to assure that they really are parents before admitting them to the group, and some just click “accept” (and then you’ll receive lots of spam posting in the group).

My tips as a parent:

• Do NOT influence your child’s college choice based on what you’ve seen on the college parent page!
• Like all of social media, know that any topic can potentially turn divisive, and those with the strongest opinions are likely the ones who will comment
• Keep in mind that the college itself is the best source for reliable information.  If you’ve got a question about financial aid or the academic calendar, for instance, contact the school or check their website
• PLEASE protect your child’s privacy on the parent page.  Do not trust that other parents won’t share information that you post about your student, with their students (though it likely violates the page rules).  For that matter, protect other students’ privacy too, remembering that the parents of the student you want to complain about, could also be in the group.
• Get the “lay of the land” before jumping in to post.
• I don’t know if my kids were just unlucky, but on all four parent pages, there were repeated complaints of mold in the bathrooms and dorm rooms. So no, it’s not just your kid’s college.
• Extend some words of gratitude to the page admins now and then, especially if you see they are working hard to keep the page drama-free.

As a College Parent Group Admin

Oh, there are so many thoughts I have from this perspective!  I would say as an admin, and as a veteran college parent, my biggest pet peeve is when parents ask questions in the group that they could easily search and find the answers to on the page or on the college website, whether it’s about hotels near campus or school breaks.  Every college has an academic calendar, there shouldn’t be any reason to ask the parent group when finals are, what days students have off for Thanksgiving, etc. And, it’s possible if you rely on other parents for the answer, you will get the wrong one.

A close second pet peeve would be the infamous helicopter parents. (And I promise if I had known about the college parent groups for Kid #1 and #2 early in their first year of college, I’m certain I would have been one of them!)  Too often, parents forget that their children are actually young adults now.  I doubt any parents would have dreamed of trying to arrange “playdates” for their high school students, but they now want to find a roommate for their college student in the dorm.  Or, they want to know who to call about the light that’s out in the bathroom, even though the students likely have an app where they can report it to Facilities.  Some parents become obsessed about knowing the measurements of the dorm room and the furniture down to a half an inch before move-in.  If you’ve reached that point, it’s probably time to take a step back.

Remember that colleges are designed to support your student in becoming independent – remind them to take advantage of the resources available to them, which they have likely been told about (and promptly forgotten), instead of asking you.  And, when parents of upperclassmen say that “It will be okay, your student will figure it out,” it’s not meant to be condescending. It’s a truth that parents of older students have realized, and they’re actually trying to make you feel better.

Possibly the most important thing I have learned as an admin for the group: most of the rumors that seem to make their way around campus are just that – rumors.  Occasionally, and maybe even frequently, there is a kernel of truth that the rumor is initially based on, but over the years we have read about rumors on campus for which we can’t find any basis.  Do NOT allow yourself to get caught up in the college rumor mill via the parent group.  And yes, even though your young adult is reporting it to you as fact, so maybe it seems “firsthand,” know that they likely may not have all the information.  For instance, for reasons that remain unclear, there were rumors on campus in the fall that laundry rates were increasing significantly, though there have been washing machine maintenance issues (again, this theme on campus seems to be as common as mold, in my experience).  A parent was outraged. Four months later, there was still no price increase.  Our page policy is that we don’t allow unverified rumors or speculation to be posted, but some groups will allow it.

My tips as a college parent group admin:

• Always consider the source.  Is it official communication from the college or just something that other parents “heard”?
• Resist the urge to ask the parent group to help YOU solve a problem that your young adult should be handling. If you’re unsure who to refer your student to, then certainly, ask the group what the proper channel is for your student to use to resolve the issue.
• SEARCH in the group before asking for a good nearby restaurant or hotel recommendation or other question that’s likely commonly asked.  Use the academic calendar to find dates for move-in, breaks, etc. Google has lots of answers too.
• Some parents WILL share information from the parent group with their student. Consider whether your young adult would be embarrassed if they found out about a post or comment you made within the group. Admins sometimes cringe at the information parents are sharing about their young adults.
• Before complaining in the group, consider the effect it might have on any prospective parents on the page (who haven’t read this). Do you want to be responsible for damaging, even in a minor way, the reputation of a college from which your own student will have a degree?

As an Admissions Consultant

I never quite know whether to advise families to join the college parent page or not.  But generally, I do not suggest it until after the student has made up their mind, for the reason I posted above.  I don’t want the opinion YOU may have formed from a social media group, to impact your teen’s college decision.  Parent groups are likely to talk about things like crime on campus.  If there has been a rash of burglaries or bike thefts, that is what the group will be talking about.  It doesn’t mean that it’s better or worse than at other colleges.  If you want to compare campus crime rates, which I think you should, please consult an official source like https://ope.ed.gov/campussafety/#/.  Do not rely on the parent group for the most reliable information.

If you are a parent of a prospective college student and you’re in a college parent group, PLEASE beware of current parents offering opinions on whether your teen is likely to be admitted and how much aid you will be offered.  If you want facts and to try to make your own guess, as always, you need to consult the Common Data Set for that college.  There is no way for a group of parents to have all the information needed about either your student or your finances versus the college’s finances.

I would say that more often than not, the feedback I hear when parents have joined various college parent groups is that they’re overwhelmed at first.  And, I think that is especially true if it’s your first student in college.

My tip as a consultant:

• Wait until after your student has made their college decision prior to joining the college parent group.  This does not need to be one more factor in the decision.

Final Thoughts

As I’ve been writing this, I’ve been considering whether the good really outweighs the bad in joining these groups. I believe it does.  At the very least, as one of my fellow college parents said, it’s possible that being in the group may help you to discover “you’re not as crazy as you thought!”  Hah!  But, please do not use it as your primary information source about a college.  There are certainly advantages to being able to be more informed, more easily.  At the same time, consider if it’s also possible to know TOO much?